Updated: Sep 17, 2020
Hello, the blog below is a satirical take on the opinions of many in the “Society”. If you are affected by psychological health issues or if you are suffering from depression please avoid reading this post. For any help please click on the link below:
Navi Mumbai, India Author: Sar Casm Co-author: Cul Prit
“A mental illness is a physical illness of the brain that causes disturbances in thinking, behavior, energy or emotion that make it difficult to cope with the ordinary demands of life. Research is starting to uncover the complicated causes of these diseases which can include genetics, brain chemistry, brain structure, experiencing trauma and/or having another medical condition, like heart disease.”
Our team ventured into few traditional Indian establishments to get opinion of the people and they all seriously agree that people should meet and talk about this topic because “it will be hilarious AF.” Upon conversing we were recommended by these societal member a famous Doctor who deals in Mental health and is very good at tackling this issue (according to these societal
We spoke to Dr. Chessraj Chohar about the undoubtedly high stress that recent generations have had to deal with.
We asked the Doctor his opinion on mental health and as specially as to how to combat depression and anxiety. Dr. Chessraj Chohar who has been a practicing expert in this field for 0.5 years highlighted some crucial un-facts (verified by multiple Suicide Deniers) to us as to why we should not worry.
Un-Facts as per Dr. C. C. :
“Only half of the suicide attempts are successful. So it is na 50-50 chance just like it is 50-50 chance you might die right now!”
“Those who are successful attempt it only once in their life time.”
“Reason for any suicide are movies.” (because movies promote suicide.)
“Nepotism is route cause of every suicide.”
“Psychology has nothing to do with suicide, pSocialmedia breakup is the second largest culprit. What to say na about today’s generation, very stupid!”
“No societal pressure has ever led to suicide, society only believes in honour killing, making someone commit suicide is for pussies”.
“Depression is drama, my wife used to say she had depression, what a drama she is. A couple of time when she told me that she had depression since our marriage and wanted to see a therapist, I felt pity on her, so I removed my leather belt and I beat her, all her depression left from her body, she told me so herself, mother promise!”
“Slapping someone is the best medicine. Sharma Ji ka son, he used to say he had anxiety and would like to avoid his entrance examination, Sharma Ji gave him a tight slap, his son gave exam and even came hundred and first! What a success story isn’t it?” (Upon research we came to know that because of sleeping issues one day Sharma Ji’s son went to sleep and never woke up, the medical report said Benzodiazepine was found in his blood and an FIR was filed which was later quashed. Upon contacting Sharma Ji his lawyer replied that Sharma Ji is and will always maintain that it was a natural death and that no one from his family is at fault.)
Dr. C. C. Also stated that people who are often found commiting suicide from bridge are just bad divers and swimmers and have nothing to do with mental health.
Till the date of publication of this blog post Dr. C. C. has been divorced with his children taken into the custody of the Local govt. The society members we met in park now have changed their statement and say psychological distress is real but say the reason of this is “Aajkal ki Nayi Naveli Bahus.” Translation: Modern Daughters in Law.
The FUnK News team would like to apologize to all the victims of psychological distress and the patients of mental health on behalf of the very ignorant society that we still live in. We would like to tell you that Life and People are hard, but please believe in yourself, you are more powerful than anyone else, you are more capable than what ever the society may deem you as. We Love You and stay strong!
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